As we keep learning best practices to raise our children, we need to acknowledge that there is no standard rulebook that can make us the best parents. Most parents will tell you that it is a series of trial and error decisions that make us learn to do better from the mistakes we make. In this regard, we also need our children to provide input in our parenting experience as they are direct recipients of the decisions that we make in the home. With this in mind, it is important to be able to ask our children several questions to improve the quality of our relationship with them and learn from mistakes we might have made in our interactions with them. Some of those questions are;
1. What do you think about often?This is important to know what your child often thinks about. This will help you gauge his interests, and what shapes his character and actions. If he/ she is thinking about a certain sport, that can make you know how to guide the child in pursuing his/ her ambition. If they are harbouring negative thoughts, you can guide on the right way and advise on the same to ensure they grow healthy and well.
2. What makes you happiest?Very important question. As you plan on spending time with your child it is important to know what make him/ her happy. If it is an activity or a place, such information can help you facilitate that activity so that even as you interact with them, they have loosened up and they feel the goodwill from you to make them happy. They also feel valued because of the effort you made to make them happy will be highly appreciated.
3. How do you feel around me mostly?The way your child feels about you is key to him/ her opening up to you. If you always criticize or seem to attack your child everytime, they will act defensive and may not be open with you to communicate their feelings. It is important to ask this question as this will inform you on what you can do to minimize the tension or any other atmosphere that might hinder proper communication with your child.
4. What is your favorite memory with our family As our children grow older, they make friends and would mostly want to hang out with their friends because of their common interests. This doesn’t mean that you can’t create beautiful memories with your family. Ask your child this question so that when you organize family activities, ensure that they have activities they actually enjoy. Whatever the activity or moment, the information can guide you on any attempts to make them happy.
5. Is there anything you are stressed or worried about?Some of the worries our children have might have easy solutions especially if they are able to share with parents. The issues might be very manageable but because they keep them to themselves, they are bound to be worried concerning the same. As a parent, you should be the source of reassurance and comfort for your children. The moment they can openly confide in you, the less stressed they will become as they will be able to share freely and seek for advise from you. For matters you cannot resolve, you can seek advise from other parents as most of these issues are common and definitely have answers.
6. Is there anything you’d like us to learn together This is a very relevant question. Learning things together with your child can facilitate bonding time and enhance your communication with them. This can be an activity that builds both of you physically, intellectually or even emotionally. Celebrating achievements together will improve your relationship as a whole. Try and make this a regular undertaking because it will expose your child through many circumstances including when under pressure, when angry among many other situations. Similarly, your child will be observing your reactions under those different situations also meaning this would be a good chance to help your child cope with life challenges.
7. Is there anything about the world or people you’d like to understand? Asking this question is simply helping you as a parent know how far the curiosity of you child can go. There is a lot of information on the internet these days that might confuse our children and they might want to understand some of these things. Just ensure that you are open and tell them the truth so that they don’t find out the truth from another person. A curious child is a good thing since they are exploring as they grow and as a parent it is your duty to help them understand certain aspect of life that probably they will not learn at school.
Generally, parent should take interest in their child’s growth and development and these questions will help you learn a lot about your child and take appropriate action where needed. Do this at every stage of their lives since some of the answers might change as they grow and develop and their preferences change. Most importantly, be part and parcel of your child’s growth and development at all stages.
I have written eBook on raising teenagers in this Social media space which can be an influence in some of these questions that you need to ask your child. Download it from this link and let me hear your opinion on this matter.
Navigating Social media with your teenage daughter-parental guide
Thank you.
